been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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