whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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