it hurts more in the daytime
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
