just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
