I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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