So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
