is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
