I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
