Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
