I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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