new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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