Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
