are you still at the devil's house?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
