I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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