I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
