the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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