i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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