This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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