Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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