She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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