So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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