highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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