First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize