I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
