Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
