TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
