Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
