The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
