unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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