brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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