Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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