If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
