I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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