I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize