yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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