I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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