i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
