I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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