I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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