Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
