I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
