You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
