I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
