A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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