is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
