He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
