So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
