So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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