this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
