I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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