I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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