u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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