this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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