The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
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To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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