i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
