I don't think brook has ever known best
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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