mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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