I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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