we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
