there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
