He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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