haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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