While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
