I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
