I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
