took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
