Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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