ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
