considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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