i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
