Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Congratulations! We have a period
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