Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
worst night to have a conscience
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
