Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
soo... how was my night?
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