so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
