It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
