how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Randomize