Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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