will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
