Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Randomize
