my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
